Breakdown at Concourse B
Ok, back in one piece in the not-so-green city of Jacksonville, FL. And if you can't tell by that one first statement, I'm not really thrilled to be back here. In fact, I'm crying as I type this, and have been doing so on and off for the entire day, ever since I cleared airport security in Memphis.
Having to leave home sucks. And that's what Memphis is, home. I'm apparently so convinced of this that, when I finally got out of the concourse and to baggage claim and found Mom waiting, I finally had a good cry. That sure as hell didn't make her feel any better...and honestly, it didn't make me feel any better either. I feel like a person lost at sea: I can see the lighthouse on the shore indicating where home is, but I just can't get there...at least not permanantly right now. I struggle with myself and what I'd like to do..which is blow this joint and go back to Memphis for good.
But then, what happens should my friends there more? Where will that leave me? Alone again, like I feel so very alone and out of place right now? I just don't know.
Anyway, sorry this is like the most depressing thing I've ever posted. I really did have an awesome time in Memphis...I miss the piano singing sessions, hot tea, coffee (which we never had, AHEM!) and comradarie and memories. And that's what makes it all so damn hard...absolutely nothing I have here in Jacksonville can hold a candle to that, no matter how much I love my family here. It'd kill me to leave them, sure.
But I'm starting to think that someday not so far away that's in my hand of cards.
Having to leave home sucks. And that's what Memphis is, home. I'm apparently so convinced of this that, when I finally got out of the concourse and to baggage claim and found Mom waiting, I finally had a good cry. That sure as hell didn't make her feel any better...and honestly, it didn't make me feel any better either. I feel like a person lost at sea: I can see the lighthouse on the shore indicating where home is, but I just can't get there...at least not permanantly right now. I struggle with myself and what I'd like to do..which is blow this joint and go back to Memphis for good.
But then, what happens should my friends there more? Where will that leave me? Alone again, like I feel so very alone and out of place right now? I just don't know.
Anyway, sorry this is like the most depressing thing I've ever posted. I really did have an awesome time in Memphis...I miss the piano singing sessions, hot tea, coffee (which we never had, AHEM!) and comradarie and memories. And that's what makes it all so damn hard...absolutely nothing I have here in Jacksonville can hold a candle to that, no matter how much I love my family here. It'd kill me to leave them, sure.
But I'm starting to think that someday not so far away that's in my hand of cards.
posted by StargazerGirl at 12:48 AM
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