Blah

I haven't heard anything about the possible job opening with the PreK class yet. (I know, it's only been two days, but I'm not known for patience.) I have no one to talk to online, and I'm feeling lonely (and sorry for myself too, most likely). Dad's going to New Orleans for probably around 3 months (I wouldn't be surprised if it's not even longer).

So life is blah, for whoever might be out there reading. Which I'm not so sure is very many of you, if anyone at all.

Totally Frustrated

Ok, as everyone knows I have 1.)Been working with Destiny on a consistent basis, and 2.) Been wanting to teach profoundly handicapped children, preferrably of a younger age. Well, through working with Destiny, I've gotten back in contact with the person who got me started along the vein of teaching in Special Education, someone whose daughter I taught as a three-year-old. I have been strongly advised that I should stick with profoundly handicapped students, and younger ones as well due to my size. In fact, she mentioned that someone who interviewed me for a position teaching 2nd to 5th grade students with Autism called her for a reference on me, mentioning a concern with my size in being able to restrain students (because Autistic children CAN get violent).

So, all of this advice jives as far as what I really think I am good at and "meant to do." So why am I still frustrated? Simple. I'm being discriminated against because I'm small. Like, what the hell am I supposed to do about that? I can't exactly fix that one...

...and it just hurts that this is probably the reason I've lost out on several jobs. I mean, how shallow. I've got qualifications to teach these kids, and it's all coming down to MY SIZE. I feel somewhat hopeless, even knowing that this person also says that a position at her school in the PreK profoundly handicapped program is opening up and she will try to pull strings for me/recommend me. And I totally could be happy with this once we figure out the logistics of getting me certified to teach these kids (I currently have all the paperwork for a temp license in Special Ed K-12). And of course, this is all supposing this were even to work out.

Hell, maybe they'll think I'm too small for that too. When is this ever going to end? *sighs* Again I'm struggling with the fact that I honestly cannot take much more of this.

Random Tidbits of Information

First off, this has been a very strange day. I started out the morning at my yearly (ahhh..."yearly" as in "I try to get there in a year, but usually it's every two...) Muscular Dystrophy Association check-up. And for those who are reading and wondering, NO I DO NOT HAVE MD. Heck, I don't even have Charcot Marie Tooth Disease, which is what I am classified under. Anyway, I got the usual intern that came in with the doctor (cause hey, my situation is interesting since nobody seems to be able to explain it.) The doc even said, "We call this the Carrie H***** Syndrome." I dunno if that's a compliment or not. But everything seemed to be doing ok (except the fact I see a marked difference in my left side versus my right, which I didn't think was originally so obvious). But that is that.

ON to other things that happened...nothing special at work, nothing special in the afternoon...

...but then I went to choir practice (which happens rarely with all the school work) then mom and I got in a major blow out of an argument. I love her to death, but I hate that she still thinks of me/treats me like a kid with no real opinion (i.e. mine is right, so you are wrong and I don't want to hear it). Granted, I'll admit I was wrong, my tone was inappropriate. But what I had to say...

...still had value. And I don't know if I ever got credit for that or not. Sometimes I think Mom has difficulty seeing me as an adult because 1.) I still live here, 2.)I'm small, 3.) I usually am very compliant and agreeable, and 4.) I have this mild disability. Not that I think she underestimates what I am capable of at all; I know she is well aware of what I can do and believes in that. But on the same note, I think she still wants to protect. And she's having to let go of that.

And speaking of my abilities...

...FYI, still job searching. Still no finds. But, on an interesting note, I am in class with teachers from Duval County all the time. I'm not so sure, after some of the things I've heard, that I WANT to teach in this school district after all. Gotta finish the application up for St. John's County and continue to look for private schools with certified teachers.

And I'm also considering, after working with Destiny, the possibility of doing hospital homebound instruction. I hear it's better money, and I know I love working one to one with students. So, who knows, maybe doors will open up. We will see.